"Urgent Recall Notice"
GOD is recalling all human beings. There are serious defects in the human heart. The malfunction occurred in the original prototype units, Adam and Eve. The same defect has been passed along to all follow-on units. This defect is designated using the letters SIN - Selfish Immoral Nature
To correct this SIN defect, GOD is providing factory authorized repairs free of charge. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has offered to bear the entire cost; no additional fee is required. The numbers to call for repair are:
1-800-John 3:16 or 1-800-Romans 10:9
Once connected, Jesus will replace the SIN defect by downloading:
As an added upgrade, GOD will download an Internal Maintenance Technician, The Holy Spirit, who will live permanently inside the unit.
Units not arranging for upgrade before passing away will void the manufacturers warranty. Defective units will not be permitted to enter Heaven because the defect could contaminate the glorified facility. Defective units will be sent to an off-site facility to be scrapped in a hot furnace. YIKES!!!